There is so much to experience. This planet takes my breath away daily. I really do believe in magic. The magic of life. Today I refuse to stress myself out about things I cannot control or change. I sometimes still really do think about what I should do or not. Like if there is an average age for something. So I create general love notes for myself. I eliminated mostly every thought about what I should do or be or reach or achieve by a certain age. Telling myself that it's okay to not study in this chapter of my life or to not waste my young energy in an office takes off much pressure. I felt like I always carried a burden with me. The burden of cultivated conditionings. Man they were fucking heavy. And still I do carry some of them with me, because I am still part of this system, part of the visible civilisation. I could just stop it if I go to a place on this Earth with no internet access or communication with other beings is needed. Cut off from reality? What the fuck is reality? What is real? There are no rules to life. You don't get special points for achieving certain things by a deadline, do you? These deadlines are just in your head. You created them yourself. It's okay to go at your own speed. Life is not a race.
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone has opened their package yet. Everyone of us is blessed. And we are all fucking divine beings created in a way that we like to call sacred geometry. I sometimes still can't believe that I am the person I always wanted to be. When I was talking with some people in the past or even with friends who already travelled I was always hypnotised. These people had a special aura. Their vibes were different compared to all the people that were born and raised in the same small city. They mostly just take everything they learn from their parents for granted and so assume that the whole world is like they have been told. And of course I was one of these kids as well. I mean how can you someday be old and wise if you have not been young and stupid before? This is the real process of awakening. To realise that you were exactly what you see in the world now. To realise that you were as well a part of the matrix as everyone else you know. So you have to go through this. And one of the biggest lessons is to fucking believe in yourself. And stop believing in everything that people on the street tell you. Darling, you have to create your own reality. Every damn day.
I don't wanna hate on someone or something in this world. It's too hard. I rather pray for forgiveness to receive peace. And hate or envy or jealousy are just not worth my energy. When you hate something or someone there is no time left to love them. Hate comes out of a unbalanced mind. We hate because we are afraid. And fear is just the absence of knowledge. And knowledge you gain through experience. And experience you gain through living. This is why exisiting is so exciting. Because you have to gain the experience. Otherwise you can just suppose. But the exact difference between supposing and knowing is the experience itself. I was pretty sure about the fact that Mumbai is the forth biggest city in the world. You can google it. I can believe that there is not much space left and that the air is polluted by all the emissions. But to know it I have to come here. So I am. I am in Mumbai at the moment. I feel like I am in the Truman Show. Because the air is so thick that I feel I could cut it with my own hands. The first three days were horrible for me. I mean I came from Thailand which is already pretty hot and humid and before I was on Ibiza in the highest possible temperature of the year. But India is a whole new level. It's next level shit. And in November it's actually winter time here. All my German people reading this right now: you have no idea what heat is. I already got dizzy after just waking up.
Travelling not just opens your mind so you can enlarge your horizon it really opens up your heart. As I was sitting in the Uber travelling through Mumbai there were some kids running next to the car. They were knocking on my window and staring at me. First thing I immediately felt was compassion. But I didn't had cash with me so I was like: what can I do? Then I realised that I had some bananas from breakfast left so I opened the window to give them one banana each. First I thought they were just running away. Like they just grab what they can get and eat it on the spot. But then I saw these sparkles in their eyes. They were really grateful. Of course I know that their reaction would be gratitude. But as I saw some documentaries in geology lesson in school these days I thought they would just run away. I was really impressed. And so were they. Maybe it was just the exchange of energy in between our looks. And even after they ran away and sat on the edge of the street next to all the rubbish they were still looking at me while they were eating their bananas. They smiled again and again. And before they were out of sight we were waving all the time. I almost had to cry. This little action made me think about so many moments in my childhood. When I was hungry and my mum was cooking something for me. And I was always a person who appreciated cooking as a way of love - but after this I felt horrible that I could ever tell my mom that I didn't like her food.
To grow up in the western world is pretty easy. You were born. You were raised. You were educated. And then it's up to you what you do with your life. So I thought I would fit in a suit pretty well and that I would like to sit in an office to communicate with people about some technically edited print items and where to place them. Of my gosh! Shout out to the time sitting in the hotel I worked for to experienced this. Thank you so much! Life is about unlearning everything. Life is about crossing your own border. Life is about facing your fears. Because one who eliminated all their fears is free. Fear is your only limit. There are no demons under your bed. It's just in your head. Your mind is creating an illusion for you. I would never ever force myself to do something I don't really passionately love to do. You can be dead tomorrow and the last thing you worried about is the fucking deadline of the agency that you have to supply. Fuck it no! I would like to say it in the words of Kurt Cobain: "I would rather be hated for who I am that loved for who I am not."
Life is a fucking trip. If you take too much of it you can really end up having a bad one. Like crawling on the bathroom floor and swimming in your own tears. But if you know how to dose it because you tried and tried and tried you can turn it into the best trip ever. You can not imagine what you are able to experience if you never tried. Now is the time! There is nothing to fear. It's just propaganda. I feel such a crazy analogy after I watched the Truman Show again. And even how Jim Carrey evolved. I love to watch his speech at the 2014 MUM graduation where he says that life is not happening to you "it's happening for you". Man so much love for this person! I have always been a huge fan of this character for my whole life but what I get to know about him this year is incredible. He says he was just born to free people from concern. What a beautiful purpose. And he says that everyone should get rich and famous so that they know that it's not the answer.
Life is the answer. Existing is just so exciting! Sometimes I really dive into my suffering about the small things that didn't work out. But then I come back to my already balanced centre and tell myself that everything happens for a reason. I know that the Universe is giving me the right amount of growth and the absolutely perfect dose of learning at the exact time of a very moment. Not one second before and not just in five years. It's all about timing. Once you acknowledge this you are free. I ask for protection and guidance for the highest good. I just want to follow my intuition. I just wanna go my way and then return back home. Tomorrow morning Venus and Jupiter will pass each other. I am so fucking grateful to know that I am just a star reincarnated in a body. My soul chose this appearance to come back to Earth. Because it is just so excited to exist. I feel so honoured by myself to be able to accept myself in this world and do my best to be a part of it. I just want to learn as much as possible. I feel so alive. I feel such a great connection to the life happening "out there". I feel so much. I am so lucky to be such a sensitive person, because now I finally know how to use this super power and have access to my Higher Self.
I guess life is less about searching or seeking for "the one". Life is about becoming "the one". To isolate you from anything else in this world and find back to your centre. And close your eyes to watch all the miracles happening inside you. It takes some time but I am forever grateful to chose the awareness over the adaption. I chose faith over fear. I chose love over life. I chose God. Because I am God. As much as you are. We are all God. Just split in different forms. Rumi had the most beautiful words ever to express this world in my eyes: "Consciousness sleeps in minerals, dreams in plants, wakes up in animals and becomes self aware in humans."
Who ever sent me back to this planet to give me another life and therefore another chance to experience this awakening in human form - I am forever grateful and I will do my very best to show you this gratitude as much as possible. I am grateful to sit at the edge of the cliff with my feet in the air to give away the control of my body. I am grateful for the healthy food I can eat daily and feed my body with the nutrition that my holy temple deserves. I am grateful to take a shower with running water and to sleep on a mattress every night. I am grateful for fresh air and when I will leave India again I will be even more grateful for this. I am grateful for the awareness of the so called small things in life because they are the only things that count. I am grateful to wake up every morning with a positive mind to spread more good vibes all over the planet. And I am really grateful for the truth! I am compassionate and I want to help where help is needed. And I really thank me for accepting my healing at the moment. I really need it. It was really hard in the past and I want to improve daily. I want to grow and I want to do good things. And I wanna be the best version of myself. Out of ranking. Because there is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They just shine when it's their time. Thank you!