Serenity

How can we really be in the present moment? How can we truly be sure to not miss the now? Why is it so hard to focus? Because we get abstracted all the time. We live in a world where there is no time to relax. And when we take this little window of relaxation we get lost. I mean, do you know the feeling of being lost? The feeling of not knowing what to do? What to do with yourself? At the beginning of this year I started to tell myself that I really like to spend time by myself. And then I replaced by myself to with myself. As if I am a person who is meeting another person while I am alone. I have a theory: The voices in my head are schizophrenic. Because sometimes I talk to myself in the form of "you should not say this so honestly, because it can hurt people" and then I realize that I talk to myself in the form of "I could just compliment on her, because I truly feel that this looks beautiful on her". So I believe that I just discovered my personal angel and demon. I think that the "you" part is the demon. It's the ego. It's the mad side of my brain. It's the devil. 

Always when my voices talk to me directly I know it's the ego punishing me to do or say something that I do out of the mood of approval. Haha nice try! But now I know about this. So I start to ask myself: Which thought is coming up next? And after I questioned myself this there is a huge gap of no thinking. Beautiful! So as I am more aware of all these thoughts and what they are trying to tell me I start to master my mind. I am no longer a slave. What a great awareness! More and more I can replace the thoughts with "I" or "me" instead of "you". This gives me a very comfortable feeling, because I feel that I am no longer the slave of my demon mind which sometimes drives me crazy because of all the possibilities I could choose. All the opportunities. All the ways I could walk. 

Well, I have to admit that I still am a slave. And it's okay, because it takes a long time to master your mind. The biggest step is already done: I am aware of the different forms of thoughts I have. So now I try to focus even more on the activities which are kind of meditative for me. All the moments where I am mindless. These moments when I am so passionate about my doing that I completely forget about having thoughts. This is what all the gurus call a meditative mind. I prefer to call it passion. Or love. When there is an absence of thoughts you are just so focused on the passionate activity you do that you completely forget about the world and that there is time or space. 

This happens to me when I dance. I am so sensitive about music that it always creates a special mood in my body. I am a victim in that case. I cannot chose to feel something or don't because it just happens. And I love to be addicted in that way. It's wonderful to surrender to a song or a melody and get in touch with your true self. I think I started dancing even before I started walking. For me it's the purest way to express my love to the Universe. In movement. And when there is a beat under my feet the movement becomes an infinite dance with the Universe. There is no time no space. There is just the current moment. And this is why I am thoughtless when I dance. 

And I just realized that I am most happy when I move in general. So for me there is a huge difference between just sitting there and letting the thoughts come and go or walking around or go for a walk in the park and watch my thoughts. Maybe it is because the surroundings change and this keeps me occupied and changes my mind. Well, actually it's pretty logical. When the things you see change your thoughts automatically change as well. So this is why traveling for me was so mind blowing. Which leads me to the insight that it doesn't matter how far you travel. It could just be the city next to you. It's just important that you change your visual field from time to time. 

This is another awareness because it just makes sense for me that I had a huge ability to change my interior monthly. I am the born Feng Shui. I never read something about it or really know what it means. But I deeply know that I need to change my visual field as many times as possible to open the door for new thoughts. And new thoughts bring a fresh mind. And a fresh mind brings growth. This is important for serenity. You don't have to impress anyone on this planet. It's just in your head. But you have to become crystal clear about what you really want. Since I know about the law of attraction and the manifestation of my dreams it became a habit. And yes, I am that kind of "crazy" girl who awaits a Full or New Moon to put all the positive power in my future. Because the past is your lesson. The present is your gift. And the future is your motivation. 

So if I try to summarize this year: fucking everything came true! I know that you won't believe me. Because how can this be possible? I tell you the secret: life is a dream if you got gratitude. It's that easy. Life is not complicated. It's just your mind that fucks you from all sides and creates a mood of uncertainty. It's just society that makes you feel weak or not worthy or something else. But if you change your mind you can change the small little bubble you live in. And that leads to the feeling of changing the world. And that leads to the feeling of everything is possible in this life. And for me personally, this is the best feeling ever. 

It's not about bragging with all your possessions or material things that you can afford because of your Ph. D. in finances. Congratulations, the system officially fucked you. Well, if you are happy with your brand new iPhone and your BMW I am happy for you. But deep down you will always crave for more. You will feel thirsty again when there is the new generation of Apple shit. And this will make you sick. And one day, this day will come, you will realize and question yourself: is this the life? So this is why I think the most important thing in life is to be fucking honest to yourself as soon as possible. 

Serenity. Crystal clear thoughts. Manifestation of your dreams. Visualization of all your hopes. You can be fucking ridiculous. The Universe will serve you everything you deserve. You just have to trust in the process and be sure that the Universe will pick the right timing. And if you have the same wish for years, you are simply not ready yet to receive it. Or maybe you will never be. And this is the moment when you should thank the highest high of energy because there is "something" that knows you better than you will ever know yourself in your whole lifetime on Earth. Trust in that. Trust in your intuition. Follow all the moments in life where you are thoughtless and completely present in the now. You don't have to follow your passion because your passion will start to follow you. 

The things you are passionate about are not random. They are your calling. But you have to accept the signs. This is the only rule. I always thought I would dance so I never sing. But then I started to sing and I started to create music and I really surrendered myself to all the creative things I wanted to do. And now I just do it. Because the creative adult is the child who survived. I keep my inner child as long as possible. Growing up is a trap. Well, your body grows and your mind grows but I believe that the heart never grows because your purest form of self was always there and will always be there. This is what we call soul. This is why I fall in love with souls, not with faces. And this is the big test the Universe is trying to teach me all the time: a beautiful face is nothing compared to a beautiful soul. 

Sometimes I see a gorgeous guy and I feel attracted to him. We exchange a cute smile and you feel the energy pulls you to this person. It's biochemical. It's a natural tribe. So then you start a conversation and after a few minutes you realize: wow, he has a beautiful smile but I feel his heart is cold as ice. Pay attention to signs like this. 

My life theory is based on Tantra: the more you can free your sexuality or your sexual desires the more your life energy level will increase. Which is actually logical. The more you can free your tribes and the more sex you had in your life the more you can transform all this sexual energy in pure life energy. Serenity. This makes so much sense to me. This is why I had to much sex in my life and now feel like I am not that sexual anymore or I don't get in the traps of beautiful men approaching me. It's next level shit. Once you know about the power of sex you are not going to waste your energy with a random person just because you think you "need it". That's bullshit. 

I guess you should just say "fuck it" and try everything you want. And then you look on your life check list and pick a box of everything that you already did. And you can value it. And sometimes you try it again because your mind changed about something. And then you maybe like it more or realize that you truly dislike it. And this is how life works. You have a big check list and try everything, again and again, until you can be sure about what you really want in life. And then you just put all your effort and all your energy on this topic. No matter what it is. But this is your soul calling you to your purpose. You just need to take the first step and be brave enough to know that the unknown is the best thing that can happen to you. The Universe is always kind to brave hearts. I am the proof. Everything I asked for this year came true. I never expected it in the way it entered my life but it happened. And this is the best insight of the year. 

To realize that everything is possible. And to realize that you should dare to ask the Universe for everything you really want. Just be relaxed about the timing. It will happen if it is truly meant for you. If not it will happen even better. Trust it. Trust is the biggest form of love that you can put out in the Universe. Believe that there will always be a double bottom to catch you when you fall. Don't be afraid to drown in your thoughts - the real ones will always nourish you with enough oxygen. Believe in the power of the Universe and write down your wishes for 2018. Write it down as detailed as possible and just put your mental attention to the things that really excite you. Follow your gut feeling. Buy a nice book and a pen you like to write with. Feel that the pen is smooth on the paper and that you love how to write with it. When the feeling of writing it down brings you joy you even believe more in your wishes. 

So I did this. I wrote everything down in my diary. And this week I read everything. And fucking hell. Everything came true. Trust that. Write it down. Feel the power of your soul manifesting your wishes and see shit coming true. And the best: you will have the proof for yourself because you wrote it down. Give it a try. Believe in it. And don't let anyone bring you down on your dreams. Everything you can imagine is true. Why not? This life is as crazy as you imagine it. Be foolish. Be ridiculous and dare to ask the Universe for anything. Now is the time. Visualize your life. You are the creator of your own story. Write. it. Believe it. Be it.