Insane

Your mind is on track for games we play these days

With every path we take you know you're safe

The only risk is that you'll go insane...

 

So I come home, I enter this beautiful place and realize there is just silence around me. Warm and golden silence. It's your own decision if you think that being alone is loneliness or freedom. It depends on you. Do you like to be alone? Do you maybe love it? To be honest I had to struggle with this topic for ages. It took me so long to realize that I am the only person I will always spend time with. My entire life long. 

Happiness is a state of being and not a destination. You can just be love when you stop hunting it. It's the power of letting go. And it's hard because you want proof. I know you. Man I've been asking for so many signs and symbols and help or guidance from something above. But it took me almost two decades to understand that everything I will always need is within me all the time. I was so lost. I was so lonely in my life. I always felt different and uncomfortable to fit in something. I am neurotic and I love it. I just realized that I can be happy everywhere. Because home is where your heart is. And for me this quote has a whole new meaning now - because my body is my home. Nice, so I can be home everywhere!

My personal definition of growing up consists solitude and loneliness. I always believed that growing up is more than just having a boyfriend and full-time job and a cute appartment. Growing up is when your soul finally incarnates in this world and your physical appearance matures. It's the moment when you ingrain with the Earth. When you stop laughing about confrontations with crystals and meditation. When you start to appreciate that you are a lovely person and that you really like to spend time with yourself. When you finally got that well-payed vegan job and therefore paying your own bills feels like nothing. Growing up is when your soul starts to show your fleshy body that there is more to life. 

I struggled a long long time with the feeling of arriving. Because I was always looking for something or someone. I was always curious to find out something and then put the pieces of the puzzle together. When I was a child I had absolutely no problem with being by myself. You could just forget me for a whole weekend in my room and when you come in on Monday I would just sit on the floor of my room and observe some dust or flies. I'm serious. I was just an observer. I loved to just sit there and watch my surroundings. But then people started donating me toys. 

You know, I think this world is insane. This planet is beautiful and the only thing we do is to pollute and destroy it. Slowly. Of course. Because damage takes some time to manifest. Pain is deeper than you can imagine. But only pain can turn the vulnerability into love. It's the transformation of the deepest feelings we allow to happen. I mean, how can you decide to feel something or not? It's a gut feeling. It's an intuitive thing that just happens whenever your biochemical body reacts to an action of someone else. And that's beautiful because energy doesn't lie. 

So when people sometimes call me crazy I laugh at them. Because for me it's the most beautiful compliment I could ever receive. This world is not mad. It's just in a growth process. We are in the birth canal of evolution. And that's amazing. I just want to open up my eyes for everything that is true and that is pure. Natural. Love. Being sensitive in a cold-hearted world is not easy but you can also transmute it all into light. You have the choice. And I choose love. I choose wild life. I choose to go crazy as they call it. Because this world is so much more to live than just what we do at the moment and love to do in the future. You are just one decision away from your next beautiful trip. The only risk is that you'll go insane...

I love to come home and be alone. I love to make tea for myself and light up the candles to enter my warm and cozy room and step into infinity. I love to sit on the floor. I just sit there realizing how small I am. Looking up to the walls. Sitting in the lotus sit to keep my energy in a circle. Straighten up my spine to let my golden energy flow. Taking deep deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. I recently started painting. I again started to draw mandalas. The more comfortable I get with myself the less I want to go out and meet people. It's not that I don't like people but I realize that I could spend time with myself in my beautiful room I decorated for myself with so much love for the detail that I don't have the desire to go out anymore. And this is a dream coming true I've been dreaming of this my whole life long now. 

Home is where your heart is became a game changer for me. It has a complete new meaning for me. Because my heart is in my body so my body is my home. And as we are humans and not trees we have feet to move and no roots to settle. This is amazing. We can create a second home on Earth in a space we like on this planet. You don't have to be afraid. You don't even have to be brave. The only risk is that you'll go insane...

Don't forget yourself. Don't forget to focus on your goals. Set goals. That's important because you need to see that you are still on track. Don't focus on a special number or age or amount of money - focus on the feeling. Focus on the sand between your toes or the sea breeze in your hair. Focus on the heartbeat when your boyfriend goes down on one knee and opens up that little casket. Focus on your laughter when you sign that contract or when you transfer that money to this airline organisation. 

Sometimes I get upset or I am sad because of things. Because of my own problems. Because of the things that seem to didn't work out ultimately. And then I remember myself that life is so transient. Life is so short. I always have to think about my beloved cousin who died almost two years ago in a car accident. He never turned 22. And he never will. Because he lived fast. He drove on the fast lane. Need for speed. A rider on the storm. And I will never have another opportunity to say thank you for being amazing to him. Sometimes I feel he died to remind all of us to live now. I can't suppress my idea of his sacrifice for the world. To show that life is precious and vulnerable. 

I mean it's always your decision. Take responsibility for yourself and you will see that everything you do or want to do is up to you. And of course that can scare the fuck out of you. Sometimes freedom is more fear for people than actual freedom. It's our perception. It's the way we see the world. It's Karma. The circle of life. I am just grateful to know the people I know and that I am able to meet them whenever I want to. Or just get in contact with them. And loose my mind with them. Get high with them. Be present in the moment with them. Be love with them. And then something happens - you can do all this by yourself. The others are just steppingstones for your growth. They help you mature. And then you start doing things by yourself. Alone. In complete solitude. And you start to love it. The only risk is that you'll go insane...

Fuck social media. Fuck conditionings. Fuck expectations. Turn al that shit into light. Transmute it. Transform yourself. Let the light shine through you. You are infinite energy wrapped in a fleshy dress called body. Everything you can imagine is possible. So start to dream bigger. Start to visualize more detailed. Start to create your own life. In your own world. With your own energy. And then see how things just fall into place and seem to figure themselves out. Go with the flow. Don't be afraid. Trust in the process. You are guided and you are protected. 

The only risk is that you'll go insane...