Balance

Same question different day Like always. What is this life? Love is the most valueable currency we have in this world. Money doesn't count. Property is waste. Time is an illusion. The only thing we will ever own in this lifetime is our own body. It's our home and our temple. All we have is right now. But how can we really enjoy the Now when we get abstracted so fast? And so many times per day. In so many varieties. How to live in the present moment without worrying too much about the future or overthinking guilt or shame because of the past?

The Buddha would say: There is no path to peace. Peace is the path. 

I believe that it's just about yourself. It's you who you're fronting in the mirror every damn day. It's you who is whispering in your mind. It's you who is attracting as well positive as negative circumstances. If you are not able to calm down your mind you will go insane. I don't really know the definition of insane or going crazy or mad or whatever. It's more a feeling. The moment when you are not conscious about your actions anymore. When you do things just because you have to do them. But life is not a race. It's not about a certain age where you have to reach levels or stages. You go at your damn own speed. And sometimes you have to shift down. And then there are times where you think you matured a whole century in one weekend. 

Find your own balance. And the balance for me is to exaggerate First up. Ahh there was the limit. Okay. Then down again. Yep.

Sometimes I wake up very early in the morning when I could sleep in but I am wide awake. Back then I was upset that I "wasted" my free day for not sleeping enough because I had more time than ususally. Now it's the opposite. I love to get up early on a free day to surprise myself with activities I do with myself. You know, for me it feels like I am not really playing an active role in my life anymore. It more feels like the Universe is trying to express something through me. I am just a transmitter. What ever happens just happens. I'm more like: Oh okay, we are doing this right now, well all right, I'm here, I'm doing it. 

The Universe and me - we are a team. I am as well part of the Universe as the Universe is part of me. As above so below. There is always something that is depending on something else. Actions and reactions. The circle of life. But all we have is right now. We are not the slaves of our minds to always think about past events or to struggle because of the big big fear of the future. Life is how you create it. What you perceive to be is your reality. You are your own director, producer and editor. If some people like to spend most of the time as their own make up artist that's their decision. My favorite role in my life movie is just to be. Not to act. Just to be. To be true to you. Nothing more and nothing less. 

So I truly believe in the bad impact of social media. It's masked in nice marketing and beautiful designs. It's all about how you wrap something. The content can be shit. And most of us know about this because we fake it ourselves. Nobody I know is going to post a picture of themself while shitting on the toilet. I mean it's cute if you can laugh about yourself but it's damn wrong to post so intimate content. So everybody is just going to show their best side. You take a picture of a moment in order to freeze the time in a 4:3 ratio. You tried several times before to make the picture look perfect. The light, the angle and after this you put filters on it. And why? Why the hell does life need a filter? 

Perfection is an addiction. And what is an addiction? Something that gets control over you. And what is the worst about it? You don't even realize it. We are addicted to so many things in our daily life that we would never ever think of because they seem normal or necessary for us. Things are just things. They are not alive. You are alive. Your heart is beating 60 to 120 times per minute. And you are breathing. Sometimes faster and sometimes slower. And this is the balance again. Not how some girl on Instagram is doing and not how your colleague is doing. You live at your damn own speed. Because you live for yourself. You are not here to fulfill other people's requirements. Sorry but for me it makes no sense at all anymore. 

I live for myself. I live with myself. And I live to fulfill my dreams. And my dreams are in my head when I sleep because the Universe is trying to tell me something in pictures while I'm sleeping. I don't ask much. I just wanna live. I wanna live authentically. I wanna live to the fullest. I wanna live forever. Not in my body but still. I wanna experience everything that I write down on my bucket list. I wanna taste life in every spicy flavour. I wanna enjoy every fucking moment as it could be my last. I dream big. I dare to ask the Universe for everything that I truly believe in. I do whatever the fuck I want to. And you know what? I take responsibility for everything I do. 

Honestly, I can't even hang out with people who don't see nothing wrong in their actions. It's 2018 bitch! Learn how to damn self reflect. Life is a long list of learning. As long as you are alive there are lessons to be learnt. Learning never stops. You can never know everyting or think that you do. Because a fool is always sure. But a genius knows that he can always be wrong. Things are changing. We are changing. And for me it's most important to feel comfortable. Not convenient. But comfortable. In my skin. In my clothes. In my room and in my flat. At my job. With my friends. As long as you have to act or play a role when you are working you still have much work to do in my opinion. 

In my last letter of application I was just fucking honest. I wrote it in like ten minutes. Because I just wrote it as I write down my thoughts here in my blog. Exactly the way I am. And if you don't like me the way I am we are not matching. And that's beautiful. Because your life is here for you and you should spend time with people and things that you adore. Not just like. You need to love what you do. Because the more you love what you do the more you can be yourself. It's like your passion is following you. You don't have to follow your passion. It helps you with adrenaline. When we feel most alive and when we feel most happy or confident - these are the moments you should pay attention to. They are guiding you. 

What excites you? What makes you smile so long that you forget that you are still smiling? What makes you cry of joy? What makes you so happy that you forget about your age or where you come from? What do you love to wear? And it's all about the detail. Not that you just like to wear sweaters. Which kind of sweaters do you really love? How big are they? What kind of material are they made of? How much cotton does your sweater have? With a hoodie? Does it has bags? Or just one in the middle for your hands? What is your favorite smell when you enter the kitchen? Just some onions bathing in oil? Or when the steam of the pasta is still in the air? Focus on the details. Put your attention to the small things in life. Things that really make you happy. And maybe not just for a second. Is it possible to extend a happy moment? Sober? I guess so. 

It took me so long to realize that balance is the average of your complete crazy exaggerated moments in life. As well up as down. Balance is the twilight zone of your own life. Don't try to measure it. And don't compare yourself to others. Just go at your own speed. And self reflect your actions. Ask friends about a feedback. Get some more information about the topic you are interested in. Follow your intuition so that your passion can follow you and help you guide the way. Life is extreme. It's passionate. It's pulsing and it's flowing. 

Don't settle for someone who is just nice to spend time with. You are not worth it. You deserve more. Dare to dream big. Just do it. Test it. Try it out and write it down. Start small. Just wish for something you really want and see how it comes in your life. And the more you feel comfortable with your positivity the more you want to share it. Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life. It's more dedication than destination. Surrender to yourself. To your true self. You cannot change things about yourself that fucking make you up. Your characteristics were chosen very wisely when you started to divide from one to two and from two to four and so on. Learn to love everything about you. 

Time is an illusion. I mean, there is always someone who looks like five years younger next to you even when you graduated at the same college. And there is always someone who earns more money while living in the same house. And there is always some Asian version that is cheaper. Accept it. Tolerate it. And start to love it. Love the failure. And love the wrong action. It's your subjective consciousness which is creating all that joy. So if you decide to call your action wrong or fake or unnecessary that's your perception. But when you start to see everything that happens exactly the way it happens as a guide towards your purpose everything changes the game. Don't ask yourself why something is happening to you. Try to ask yourself what it is going to teach you. And what it wants to show you. 

You only attract what you yourself are. The higher you vibrate the higher consciousness you will attract. It takes time. Always. But when you stop to measure time in minutes, weeks and years life is infinite. Overthinking has a really bad effect on your mental health. And of course it always works like a wave. When you start to think negative thoughts you will enlarge your fears. And fear is the only thing that stands between you and your dreams. And you know what? Fear is a made up thing in your mind. Did you ever touch fear? Can you weight it? Can you smell it? Can you fucking see fear? No. It's just in your head. Fear makes you small and not important enough for the world. You are here for a reason. You have to fulfill your own purpose. And the sooner you understand what your superpower is the better. 

You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are amazing. But you don't see all that potential yet. Maybe you had a glimpse of your true superpower sometimes in life. But maybe you are too shy to follow your dreams. So then tell me why? Why are you afraid? What are you afraid of? When did it start? And when did it stop? Maybe you don't know the beginning but you will know the end for sure. When you were always afraid of heights and then you face your fear because you want to overcome the power of your subsciousness and fuck it from behind - you will grow.. You just go for a hike and stand at the top of a mountain. You can always ask people for help. Because this is why they are here with you. And you know what? They are very excited about you to ask them for help. Because people like to be needed. This is why they are here with you. We are all here to help each other helping ourselves. 

You are here. Here on this planet. Here reading this text. Here in the present moment. You are in the eternal now. At the intersection of the past and the future. And there is nowhere else that you can be. Just hang in there and choose you. Choose your comfort over your contacts. Be true to you. For a star to be born there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebule must collapse. So collapse. Explode. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth. 

 

I am not bitter

nor am I sweet.

I am water.

And how I taste to you 

depends on what you mix me with...