9 mm

They said she had a heart attack. I think the creatures coming back. 

Where is the line between fantasy and reality? Where are these borders? Why do we need borders? Why do we create them? Life is endless. Life is limitless. We are infinite energy constantly transforming into something greater. Even if it sometimes doesn't look like it from the beginning. Trust the process. Trust the idea of something or someone is guiding you. That there are energies who want to protect you from bad decisions or from toxic people you spent enough time with. But how to interpret the signs? And what the fuck is a sign?

Signs are there - everywhere. And they are alive. We sometimes meet them as spirits or we just see them as a leaf dropping from a tree landing exactly in front of our feet. Sometimes it's the way the Universe is trying to tell you that you are on the right path. Because the signs are both positive and negative. I think negative is a very hard word. Let's call it the warning. The warning and the path. The path is a bright and shining warm long way up. You will never see the end because life is endless. Life is a spiral. Once we thought we caught a thought - we will end up thinking about the meaning and that there are too many possible ways to interpret this thought. Because we put so much effort on "reading" the signs. 

What if there is nothing to read yet nothing to see? What if it's all about feeling? It's just the emotion. The power of the energy you put out into the Universe when you think deeply about someone you love. Or when you dream about your next holidays. The molecular formula you put out into the Universe is translated into vibes. Like waves. Beautiful vibrating invisible waves revolve you. Life is pulsing. Life is vulnerable. Life is a gift. 

I don't know where to see the limit between fantasy and reality anymore. I think there was a point in my life when I did. But this point is long ago. So all we have is right now. I can not go back in time physically. Just emotinally. And this is something I avoid nowadays. Because it drains my energy. And it's logical. The more your mind is trapped in a gated construct of thoughts that are just fractal puzzle pictures in your head the more you get stuck. If I only every knew I'm trapped in my mind - I'm trapped in a zoo. If I only ever knew. So are you. 

Life is like a bullet. Either you keep it in your gun with the finger on the trigger trying to protect yourself and make you feel ready for a fight every minute. Or you shoot it and consciously await what is about to happen while you are fronting birth and death every single second. Of course you know my answer. You shot me down bang bang. I hit the ground bang bang. That awful sound bang bang. My baby shot me down. I was laying on the cold hard ground so many times. Laughing. Screaming. Crying. Whispering your name. Knocking with the fist to hell while my head opened up to the sky. Everything blurred. I was losing my mind. Going insane. And coming back to the body to realize that there is no fucking border between fantasy and reality. Pull the trigger. Shoot the bullet. Life happens now. 

I am just sitting here praying for health and abundance. Not only wishing for something better to happen but for something to enter my life that completely crashes my world. Universe, it's the time for surprises. I ain't gonna spend my time wondering why I never made it. I've already made it. Yes I did. We are one. Isolated above while connected below. Seeking for a higher purpose. Waiting for my dream to crash my world to prove myself that there are no limits. Just your mind is the only cage you are living in. But once you flew away from your demons you can smeel the sky in rainbow colours. 

Warmth. Golden warmth. Sungazing until my eyes got hurt. It's a rebirth. The bigger you dream the bigger you vibrate. It all starts with your mind. When you can be able to relax your mindset and turn every negative thought into a positive one you will feel that the Universe is starting to answer. This is the point where I want to say thank you to Existence. Mother Earth. Gaia. This blue planet we all share. In a universe so small like a grain of sand at the shore. One cute tiny Universe in another one. All is one. See yourself as the micro cosmos in the macro cosmos. We are as small as we think. And we can be as big as we want to be. It all starts up there in your head. No tree can grow to heaven it is said when its roots are enrooted to hell. As above so below. 

Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe it all starts with apologizing to yourself. To your body. Just caress your skin and say I'm sorry. With love. With care. And everything will change. The love you give to yourself will reflect and will come back. One day. Like a boomerang. You will never know how something feels until the same thing is done to you. This is why Karma is here. To help us. 

I just want to share some intimate things from my life with you out there to help you and me grow and shift. To help all of us. We are all angels. We are God. We ourselves are God. And the life we are able to live is divine. We should pay homage to it. Every damn day. Appreciate the so called small things and the bigger events happening which are showing us the bliss of Existence. Killing me softly. Embracing every breath I take. Gratitude attracts miracles. Be one with your Higher Self. Be one with the whole Existence. Give as you want to receive. And see how the whole world suddenly opens up to you. 

This is what happens in my life right now. The synchronicities are getting bigger. Larger. The waves are vibrating higher. The crashes are getting more intensive. But still I am as well the small rain drop as the whole fucking ocean. Just transforming. I pulled the trigger. No way back. 

As the Buddha said: There are three things that can't be hide for long - the sun, the moon and the truth. 

Fuck man, you only live once!